friends

photo credit: c r z

My friend and former college roommate, Christian, posted a piece on his blog yesterday entitled ‘What Makes a Good Mother? Not Her Breasts’.  In this self-admitted ‘rant’, he talked about the recent formula recall by Simulac, enacted because some containers didn’t meet their quality standards (The manufacturer, Abbott, was concerned that beatles may have come in contact with the formula at one of their packaging plants).  Christian then segued into a discussion of breastfeeding vs. formula feeding.

Apparently, this is what you do when you want to incite your readers.

His normally quiet blog space was quickly descended upon by supporters of both views, and they quickly took to passionate defenses.  Luckily, in this debate, there was very little name-calling, and the discussion stayed pretty civil.  This is not always the case.

The whole thing reminded me of discussions with my wife shortly before the birth of the Monkeyling.  There were so many things to be decided before the birth of our son, and breastfeeding was just one more topic to broach.  I knew there were two camps of thought when it came to feeding our child – breastfeeding and formula-feeding.  Honestly, I knew from the beginning the approach we would take, so there wasn’t a lot for my wife and I to talk about on that subject; she would breastfeed our son, because it was the the best option for him.  We both did a lot of googling about breastfeeding and read lots of reports/accounts showing the myriad benefits to breastfeeding your baby.  Not just assumed benefits: ones with actual scientific evidence to support them.

Kids who are breastfed exclusively for their first six months of life are believed to have healthier immune systems, fewer health issues, more balanced behavior, and the ability to jump over buildings up to ten stories in height.  Okay, I may have made one of those up.  Breastfeeding also makes for smarter children, the studies showed (Sources: World Health Organization (WHO) and the US Center for Disease Control (CDC)).  Couple that evidence with our desires to raise our son as ‘naturally’ as possible – without chemicals and pills and drugs, etc. – the decision was as close to a no-brainer as there is.

And, luckily, our son took to the breast with very little difficulty.  He successfully breastfed from my wife for almost a year before he decided that he was done with it, and started refusing the breast.  It doesn’t take long for the milk to go away, then, so we had to move to formula for a while to supplement the regular food he was eating for a couple of months.

It was around that time that we were looking into supplemental nutrition, and figuring out how to make sure our little Monkeyling got all of the stuff he needed from what he was ingesting.  When doing this, I came across lots of accounts from mothers and fathers who hadn’t been able to breastfeed, and had to go alternate routes in order to feed their kids.  And it made me realize I had taken some things for granted: that my child would automatically want to take to the breast, and that my wife would be able to feed him without any trouble.

That discussion yesterday on Christian’s blog, as well as discussions I’ve had with my wife since, prompted me to write this little piece.  My wife wrote a piece about alternative options to breasfeeding for her chiropractic clinic.  It’s an interesting read that I recommend.

Now, I will give my stance on breastfeeding  (as a husband and as a dad of one breastfed child) and then I want to hear from you all in the comments with your thoughts, views, etc.  Just promise to leave the hateful name-calling and other vitriole at home.

Breastfeeding is natural.  After seeing first-hand how beautiful this practice is and how amazingly connected it made my wife feel to our son, I know we won’t go any other way with our future children, if possible.  The key words there are if possible.  Of course there may be something that will come up to make us re-think our approach.  Perhaps our next child will not like breastfeeding, or perhaps my wife will be physically unable to nurse the next time.  Nothing is ever set in stone.  And our job as parents is to react to those sort of situations and make the best of them.  But, if at all possible, we’re just far too happy with all the benefits that come along with breastfeeding our children.

I realize that not everyone will have the same luck we did when getting our son to breastfeed.  Some mothers experience so much pain and discomfort that they’re never able to get past it to nurse their children.  Other moms are “non-traditional”, by which I mean they adopted their child or are step-mothers or something along those lines, and have no breastmilk to give.  Obviously these mothers can still be amazing, wonderful mothers – breastfeeding is not the determining criteria of what makes a great mom.

What I find strange is this:  Most people consider breastfeeding to be the norm with their child.  You have a child, you breastfeed it, unless something else changes that plan.  But, the reality is that only 40% of children are exclusively breastfed from birth until age six (Source: WHO).  Forty percent!!  So, you have a majority of parents giving their children formula, but at the same time, they think they’re in the minority, and therefore feel a little guilty about doing so.  I think that guilt often finds it’s way out in the form of defensiveness and unease with the subject.  And that shouldn’t be the case!

I think a lot more parents can breastfeed than do.  I think there are a lot of people who choose formula for their child because it’s easier on their lifestyle.  It’s easier to make a bottle than it is to go through the breastfeeding process.  It’s easier to give a bottle than to have to pump the milk or be nearby so that if the child is hungry, they can gave them a feeding.  Breastfeeding and/or pumping milk interrupts work schedules and social schedules and is a difficult thing to do.  But, it’s still the natural thing to do…and is the best way to do it, if at all possible.

The other side of that, obviously, is the group of parents who have tried and want to breastfeed, but for whatever reason cannot.  And my heart goes out to them..it truly does.  It hurt me to hear about the guilt that Christian’s wife felt when she was unable to breastfeed her daughters.  It has to be a very difficult thing to hear your child crying and know you can’t provide for them in the way that you want to.  But, these are the people that formula was designed for.  When you can’t make the milk or the baby won’t take it despite repeated attempts at feeding, then formula is a wonderful fall-back.  We’re truly fortunate to be in a time where technology allows for us to care for our children like this.  (Christian wrote a follow-up post to his earlier piece, and I think it hammers home his points, which are all valid)

But I think more people use it to return to a lifestyle that’s more convenient for them.  And by doing so, I think they rob their children of some very important things.  Perhaps not intentionally and certainly not maliciously, but it happens.  And with some forethought and preparation, giving your child breastmilk as an alternative is often an option.  And, if possible, should be one more often.

Now for the important part:  what do YOU think of the debate?  Where do you land in it, and what is your reasoning?  Keep things civil and respectful, please, but I want to hear all of your thoughts on this polarizing subject.